Last week on a no good, very bad, horrible day, I caught myself wallowing in self-despair, pining for the good ol' days in America where I know the language, can meaningfully contribute to conversations, and am darn good at the cultural customs particularly those relating to work ethic.
Take a few moments today to pause, to really feel and be mindful of yourself and the world around you, to actually feel your life happening."
I found myself missing firecracker sushi rolls and seaweed salad and obscure vegan ingredients like chia seeds and nutritional yeast and coconut oil, and a super blender/food processor to make my vegan almond burgers, banana hemp pancakes with fresh berries and agave syrup, and a Mocha Madness Vegan Protein Smoothie. Oh, and the larger than life cookies, that just so happen to also be vegan - from 3 Sisters Bakery in Seattle's Pike Street Market. Ya, I miss all things vegan. It might have something to do with seeing lots of sweet little lambs recently that will be turned into Easter supper by this weekend. :(
I miss team sports and playing volleyball and softball in the park on warm spring/summer evenings in good company. I miss running/biking/swimming in and by Lake Coeur d'Alene. And hanging out with my family. In person. I miss deep belly laughter with my friends. In whose company I don't have to explain myself or why I do things the way I do them. I'm simply HOME in their company.
I miss my cat Piqueabu who if it weren't for weekly Skype sessions, I'd forget what she even looks like. I miss the way she stands on my arms and cuddles into my chest as I walk her around the house in the late evenings. I miss my comfortable bed.
But you know what I realized on that no good, very bad, horrible day last week? I'm going to miss Macedonia. Like, a LOT. I already foresee myself arriving at the U.S. airport, longing for someone to speak Macedonian with me. I'm going to miss my chickens and my laidback Lui cat, and the multiple coffee breaks at work, and the multiple coffee dates after work. I'm going to miss working in the garden, getting my hands dirty, with my fabulously hilarious new landlady and her husband, followed by a late lunch around their kitchen table while watching Dr. Oz dubbed in Macedonian. I'm going to miss shots of whiskey at work at any time of day, usually in the morning.
So here I am in Macedonia missing American life. And once I return to America I'll be missing Macedonian life. So I'm pullin' up my bootstraps, throwing back a shot of humility, and going to burrow back into life here with a smile on my face and a happiness of heart. I do love it here. There's things I don't love. But overall, yes, i love it here, especially the ordinary moments, the everyday chores and routines. Another reminder to be present in the moment. To enjoy the moment. It's all we've got.
A word today from one of my 25(+) former college roomies, Ashley Marks:
"most of us live in a virtual reality in our heads that gets just close enough to actual reality to keep us from running into the furniture.
Take a few moments today to pause, to really feel and be mindful of yourself and the world around you, to actually feel your life happening."
Ordinary moment in Macedonia: fishin and counting sheep with Igorche...
You've said so much here Hana. Missing America... missing Macedonia... haha, isn't that always the way.
ReplyDeleteI do think it also says something powerful about how we exist in the world. We understand, and perceive, and know we're alive, through contrasts. It's the difference that alerts us. It's the walking in someone else's shoes that informs us. In a world and a life of constant change, we claw at constancy.
Like anything else, I suppose it's a balance. You can't survive the winter if you don't plan out your food & resources in the summer. Yet planning every moment isn't living either, and we need to push ourselves to engage in new experiences and think new thoughts. I think your work in Macedonia has done exactly that. Nice job! :)