I hate this city!

"I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did...

Then you came in and knocked me on my face...

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down

Just get back up when it knocks you down."

-Keri Hilson, Knock You Down

I hate this city. Just when it's beginning to grow on me, it knocks me down...literally!

The dawn hadn't even begun to break when I left my apt this morning at 5:30am, roadbike on my shoulder as I made my way down the usual four flights of stairs. Dad had shipped my trusty ol' roadbike all the way from Coeur d'Alene a few weeks ago, and after an attempt at re-assembling it, I was forced to declare my derailer broken: death by FedEx. Unable to ride my bike, or transport it through the city via local buses, i was forced to walk the three miles to the bike shop yesterday. The mechanics were cool, and let me watch as they doctored up my bike and even let me do some work with their tools. After paying the bike's hefty medical bills, I finally had to face one of my greatest fears...biking NYC streets. As I stepped outside of my apt this morning, I was actually looking forward to the early ride to work, undeterred by the misty rain and with a fairly high level of confidence. The five years I lived in Seattle, my bike and I went everywhere together, so street-smart and city-wise bicycle commuting is by no means new to me. Not to mention the fact that I've been riding bikes since I was able to pedal.

The ride to work is only three miles, but that three miles is packed with anti-biker booby traps...from the chunky pavement and double parked cars to the erratic pedestrians and motor vehicles. It was a combination of factors, including the rain, that set me up for disaster my first day biking these streets. Coming down a gradual hill as I merged left to avoid parked cars, my tires hit an uneven chunk of pavement that sent my bike fishtailing wildly with traffic before finally slamming the left side of my body onto the pavement as I continued to skid with my bike down the hill. As I looked behind me, I saw flashes of headlights as vehicles swerved to avoid the sprawled-out cyclist whose life was flashing before her eyes. I managed to drag myself and my bike out of the way as the traffic sped by. A lonely pedestrian rushed to my side in disbelief, inquiring about injuries. I looked down and saw a bloody ankle and a bruised palm- mere scratches compared to what could have been... I thanked him for inquiring and hopped back on the bike as I cursed this bloody city. I can't do it, NYC is NOT for me! No way! I won't do it. To crash on my first morning was a disorienting SLAP in the face.

"Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down

Just get back up when it knocks you down"

On another morning last week, as I was running the three miles to work at the ungodly hour of 4:30am, I experienced my first anxiety attack. I arrived at the metal gated entrance of our headquarters just in time to not be able to breathe. In the dim light of the street, doubled-over and unable to inhale, I looked desperately through the fence at my co-workers, my eyes wide with panic and tears. Fortunately someone eventually talked me back into breathing, though it took the hour ride down to our volunteer tree planting site in Brooklyn for my nerves to settle.

"Won't see it comin' when it happens but when it happens

You're gonna feel it let me tell you now

See when love comes it knocks you down"

I knew Ironman training in NYC was going to be a challenge when I moved here, but I never anticipated bike wrecks and anxiety attacks. T minus seven weeks until the race, and I still wonder how and where I will get in all the upcoming long bike rides!? One day at a time. Right now my life is work and train: working six days a week, training before and after, and naps are a NECESSITY. If I go home before my workouts, I'll never make it back outside, so I head straight to the gym after work, change into my work-out clothes and nap on a locker room bench for half hour. I took my bike back to the emergency room this afternoon and had the bent rear wheel straightened out. Too bad my health insurance doesn't cover my bike! It IS practically family to me. :)

I'm off to map my run and bike for this weekend...training has allowed me unique site-seeing opportunities and I'm determined to not let this city keep me down.

"Say you gotta take the good, the bad, happy and the sad...

I don't wanna fall on my face again...

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down

Just get back up when it knocks you down."

Tough Love,